ash holes

Lately, as I do very often, I find myself imagining emotions, senses and sensations, which I soon afterwards come up to the decision that they never existed. It is hard to live without dreams, and if you are still on the the way to reach the beginning of accomplishment, one feels empty.

I don't know. Maybe tomorrow I will think that what I'm thinking of tonight is complete bullshit, and my feelings are still there, they make me enlarge time and space to reach people, to do actions, to achieve everything at the same time. But this is the special thing about me, I am moody, and very often I change my mind concerning whether one thing is my illusion or not. And one moment I feel I am in love, and for love it just takes one click of time to ruin everything. I can fall in love for just one moment, and then it takes just one look of the face that one finds stupid, one single action that one says "no, it doesn't fit to me", one single touch that didn't really touch you. And one thinks "oh no I can't have really believed all this, I can't have really..." Yes, I am one of those cursed people who can fall in love with anything for just a few moments, and then try to escape away from everything, just at the moment that they conquered everything. And they are more hurt than they themselves hurt. Just stupid selfish ash holes, as everybody, but not everybody admits it.